Choose your form
AI Art collage by Midjourney and me
Imagine all the consciousness in the universe funneling down into your head. You know everything. You see everything. But you can’t be everything and you can’t say everything. You must choose your form. At any given moment there are infinite potentials, but you can only pick one. Whatever you choose resonates and ripples out to the rest of the universe. The funnel goes both ways.
Related: Choosing your form and Whale wisdom
Guiding your rivers of doubt
I fell asleep with worries on my mind. In my dream, I found myself navigating the rivers of doubts within me. I tried to make the negative streams of energy disappear. I was told, “You can’t dispel your rivers of fears, you can only guide them.” You do this by aligning yourself with freedom and possibilities and trust. You build embankments or boundaries within you. This is how you prevent flooding of emotions. This is how you channel your gifts toward your purpose. All rivers flow toward the Sea. This is how you guide yourself toward the Universe.
Pro-aging skin treatment
Midjourney
I was an older woman in my dream. Someone said I had aged rapidly and it was most noticeable in my elbows. The skin around my elbows was loose and sagged toward the floor. I said, “I know. This is why I walk into every room with my arms up in the air — celebrating myself.”
Life advice from a Mexican day worker in a dream
This is a dream realm account from Tuesday, March 1, 2022.
I learned that night that not everyone you encounter is a guide with a message. Some dream spirits are just trying to do their job — but if you hound them hard enough they’ll scrounge up some wisdom to spare.
I found myself on a bus in the middle of nowhere, when it made a sudden stop. I got off the bus and followed two day workers to their construction site, asking questions along the way.
I said, “Tell me something that will help me in real life. Where do I go? Where should I go?”
The Mexican man didn’t want to give me advice. He wasn’t that kind of guide or spirit. He was just a day laborer — in another realm — doing his job.
But I knew we had the same blood, so I asked again. I hounded him for advice.
“You’re real, I know. Tell me something.”
He finally said, “Ok. When you are standing in a checkout line, always have your pesos ready to pay. Don’t be that person that waits until the last minute. Count out your change and have it ready in your hand. Keep the line moving.”
I stood there for some time in the front yard of the house they were working on. I looked both ways down the road. I wondered if another bus would come to take me somewhere. I knew eventually, yes.
Make yourself holy and loud again
I’ve been living in my heart chakra for the past month. I grew a new chamber in my heart. I didn’t know I could do that without becoming a mother — which I consciously chose to not be this lifetime.
It’s painful to have more space in my heart. It feels empty at times, unfurnished. There is a lonely echo.
I thought I needed someone — a God, a Master, a King — some sort of ruler to move in and reign over this new territory. But I was wrong. The pain I feel is the original sin — separation from the divine.
I think about Adam and Eve after God withdrew from the garden — how we forgot we were made from each other. How we continued living as if we were separate beings, at times enemies.
Misunderstanding, suffering, repressing. None of that belongs in the heart.
The full moon in Virgo is all about purification. Putting your life in order for the purpose of purifying your heart.
In my meditation this morning, I saw myself windexing a two-way mirror. On the other side was also me — but at multiple points of existence. I was a two-year-old hiding in tall grass and I looked scared. I was 8 and whispering to old oak trees, begging them to open up their portals. I was 11 and I was crying in bed and wishing I could die. I was 17 and I was burning all my old diaries so I could become someone new. And these versions of myself continued on like that — some were sad, some were in love, and some were shameful.
I kept windexing the mirror glass — wiping and cleaning this supernatural view I had of myself. I saw myself as energy with imperfections and impurities woven in since birth. I saw what some people would call sins and I made them beautiful and holy again.
A confession: When I was young, I went through a short phase of stealing perfume bottles. Two. I stole two bottles. One from a store and one from my best friend’s older sister (and I gave that one back). I couldn’t afford them myself and the scents were so intoxicating and they made me feel feminine and magical, and the bottles were made of colored glass, like potion bottles, and my senses were enraptured by the feel, the smell, and the sight of these perfumes. I had to possess them. This is godly too.
We desire with our senses, I salivate, I ache to touch, I stare, I can’t keep my eyes off of all the divine, beautiful things I want. I forget that all that beauty is inside of me already.
I hope you can heal yourself the same way. Windex your own two-way mirror. See clearly the incessant flowering of your soul since birth. You came in as a pure and holy force and have been muted along the way. Unmute yourself.
Guidelines for psychic Readings
Healers, psychics, curanderas, priestesses, witches — this is a realm I have been comfortable with since birth. I can spot the fakes from the pure-hearted and everything in between.
Readings and healings can be revelatory or feel grossly transactional. I’m not undupable, I’ve just learned how to read the reader.
Below are my personal rules for navigating the weird world of witches and intuitives, but obviously we’re here on this Earth as consciousness explorers and you can do whatever the hell you want.
No roadside stands with neon-lit palms.
Never do love spells. There’s more creative ways to pull love into your life.
Remember, no one can read your mind, only energy — so learn how to protect yourself and how to create energetic boundaries and how to cut cords.
Walk or run away from any psychic that approaches you or becomes demanding or aggressive once you sit down.
Don’t let any one tell you you’re cursed. You’re not cursed.
You don’t need to pay for a cleansing. You can learn to cleanse yourself and rid yourself of negativity/blockages/entities/etc.
Everything is always in flux — card readings are not set in stone, no one can see your death — you are creating your own life along with the Universe.
Even experienced, gifted seers can get things wrong. Don’t let this turn you off or become a non-believer. They are only conduits and they can be biased and sometimes filter incorrectly. Align your heart with the messages you’re given, you’ll know what’s true.
To be continued …
Heart exercise” day
A love doodle I made when I was dating my husband (2014). Back then there were a lot of “heart exercise” days …
When I have a hard day I reframe it as a “heart exercise” day. I wish I could say I never resist what is out of my control, but of course I do. Nothing goes my way and I resist harder, past the point I think is possible. Eventually, I am forced to give in. I always feel defeated by the day, but the resistance still strengthens my heart in the end.
I am grateful for all my hard — heart exercise — days.
Answer all your self questions or else they float there like your lost bodies
The younger version of me could not be pulled through the dimension. Her skeletal frame was frozen and split and hanging from a branch. Her consciousness could not translate. I was sad but I accepted it. What else could I do? Answer the question, they say. Answer all your self questions or else they float there like your lost bodies. The girl drops from the tree as an egg 🥚. I bend in between the worlds to pick myself up. The egg is glowing. Obviously I’m fertile. A man is speaking on a PA system. I only hear the words … “Come be …. Your future is bright.”
How to draw closer to your mystery
The above audio is a reading from a transcript. It is a thirdhand creation story. They are not my words, but the story was told to me orally by someone I loved, and for almost twenty years has lived on a microcassette unplayed. It is an unearthed treasure and I wanted to share it with you.
Becoming: a process for transformation or how to create pivotal change
There has been a persistent question echoing inside me. I can’t put it into one sentence, but it involves creating pivotal change and becoming.
Becoming is the process of transformation and not an ending. I hope there is never an ending.
The answer came in the form of a visual: An anchor dropping into my heart.
Something needs to anchor itself in you visually and emotionally to create pivotal change.
I’m learning to live with the imaginal world. It’s been speaking this entire time. It speaks in dreams and waking life. It speaks in images that flicker in and out during the day. It speaks in thoughts that press to your forehead like sticky notes. It speaks.
For every desire there is a visual and emotional resonance. Anchor these in your heart. Live with it daily. Ask them out to play. You are not an automaton building habits. You are a creator imagining an ideal world and then pulling that world closer to you.
Astrological Consequences Or How To Embody Freedom
My birth chart.
I received a reading from my favorite cosmic outlaw / astrologer Antero Alli — side note: there really should exist more cosmic outlaws in my life — and his advice helped me evolve the concept of Freedom in my life. He said:
Freedom is the ability to make any decision, or take any action, as long as you are willing to “buy” the consequences.
So I try to have a constant awareness of consequences and a persistent self-question of “Can I buy the consequences?” All of my actions and decisions come from a deep yes inside of me and because of that I feel the embodiment of freedom every day.
Note: This post is an excerpt from my weekly mind dump newsletter, sent out each Friday.
The Inner Why Technique
How to do it:
When you notice a sudden change in your emotional state (e.g., you start becoming anxious, sad, frustrated, or angry), immediately give yourself the best quick explanation you can for WHY you think that change in your emotions just occurred. The sooner you can do it after the emotional change, the better. — Spencer Greenberg
Note: This post is an excerpt from my weekly mind dump newsletter, sent out each Friday.
How to challenge your fear
“You must challenge fear and ask it what it means to say. As you go into the fear with eyes open, heart open and courage flowing freely, you will see that fear is only an empty room. Fear is only as strong as your avoidance of it. The greater your reluctance to see the fear, to accept it and embrace it, the more power you allow it.”
— Emmanuel's Book: A Manual for Living Comfortably in the Cosmos
As human as possible
I scatter your moons like dice on a table. Pick one. You expel spirit animals from your body. The tiger that claws your heart out. The whale who always digs up your dreams. And that damn peacock you refuse to accept is you. We’re not here to be animals, I say. We’re here to be as human as possible. Find out what that means to you.
Every beautiful thing
Before you become miserable in love, remember: not every beautiful thing is meant for you. sometimes the grown-up thing to do is ooh & ahh & walk away.
A mantra for clearing shame
Sometimes — seemingly out of nowhere — I’ll find myself stuck in a spiderweb of negativity. What I feel is resentment or fear or anxiety. I avoid giving it a story. I simply say:
This feeling does not belong to me. I return it back to the Universe.
And then I’ll often make a sweeping away gesture with my arms that looks really silly and weird, but is so damn helpful at releasing shame and shooing it away.
Ideas for bringing more pleasure into your daily life
I took a Clearer Thinking program test that helps you bring more joy into your life by enlightening you to what your greatest sources of pleasure are. (I recommended it in Recomendo.)
I discovered my greatest pleasures are mostly Sensorial. With the highest being humor, nature, animals and sound/music. Which is not surprising because this is what I try to fill my days with. But my favorite part of the program is at the end when you’re given ideas as to how to consciously bring even more pleasure into your life. Here they are below.
Be a weird adult
“That thing that made you weird as a kid could make you great as an adult — if you don’t lose it.” — Kevin Kelly
Found notes
This note is not dated. Possibly an attempt to time travel. Not sure where the quote came from, but good advice nonetheless.
Dear Claudia of early ‘03 — you will get your heart broken a bunch of times more.
____________
“You should be cooking on all 4 burners.”