Giant Shadow Personality
I realized her shadow personality was darkening the true parts of herself that were pure, bright light. I knew that enlightening did not mean bestowing light on to another person, but to see their darkness for what it is — shadows cast by the pure light within them.
As moons, we reflect the light we see in other souls and hold vigil for them during their dark periods.
I realized that some people climb their mountain, see another mountain — covet and long to be on that far off peak — but forget the arduous soul process of climbing and conquering.
In the dream, I knew about the Giants that used to live on Earth. I wasn’t surprised to hear about the folklore. I had been chased by their looming shadows. Or maybe I only thought I was being chased because I was running away. I ran from the giants’ shadows because the other people were running.
I should have let myself be swallowed by the darkness in order to find the largest source of light I had ever encountered.
Open Tab:
“What was I made for?” — A question I want to answer.
Trash Can:
Longing for other peaks, when I am not done exploring my current mountain.
Bookmarked:
Dreaming of Giants of Kentucky and the Yangtze River.
Gossip Angels
We sat huddled on the floor
gossiping like school girls —
in the purest way
and I can’t tell you
what was said
because it’s a secret
but it was about you
and your fears
and how it’s all going to be
OK.
The 2,000-year-old Claudia Tree
In a dream, they say “You are not the first iteration of Claudia.
You are merely a branch of a 2,000-year-old Claudia Tree.
Feel the ancient wisdom within you.”
I am my mothers tears remembering me.
An alchemical dream about Coagulatio
Dream, Wednesday, December 7, 2022
I am on a pilgrimage, wading through shallow waters, trying to find something I lost.
A half-buried plane from long ago.
Something that came down from the spirit and wanted to be concretized. A thought, an idea, an inspiration.
I know it’s from my childhood. I know it is a piece of my soul. I stare at the marvel of it all.
Spirit to matter. Crashed and buried. Things lost can always be found.
Related: An alchemical dream about Calcinatio
The dying pig mother and her suckling piglets
The image above was created using text prompts on Midjourney. I didn’t want to create anything as photorealistic as my dream, but I will describe it in detail below.
Nightmare, August 29, 2022
I rarely have nightmares. Not all dreams evoke positive feelings, most are perplexing and paradoxical, but never this gruesome.
I come across a mutilated, dying pig mother. She is bloody and there is a litter of piglets suckling her. She is deflating and losing all of her life force. I want to help, but I don’t know what to do.
If her piglets continue to feed off of her she will flatten and die. She needs time to rest and recuperate, but the piglets are too young to wean off. They won’t survive without her warmth and milk.
There is no happy ending for this event, which makes this a nightmare.
The gift of this gruesome imagery arrived when I realized I am both the pig mother and the piglets. I can be draining and co-dependent and I can also give and give and give of myself until there is nothing left.
Love needs boundaries. When I feel imbalanced or unhappy in love, I ask myself who am I right now? Am I the dying pig mother or am I the draining piglets?
The waterless seal
Dream, October 24, 2022
I found myself regressed in an apartment belonging to my mother and ex-stepdad. The water bill was past due and I was told I could not bathe myself in their home. As I was packing my stuff to leave in search of a shower, I discovered a very dry mama seal floundering in the bathtub. I said, “I don’t care how much it costs, this beautiful creature needs a lot of water,” and I turned on the shower full blast.
The seal is a creature that can exist both in water and land — symbolizing perfect harmony between our inner world and the external world. As a totem a seal represents our creative and imaginative faculties. This dream felt impoverished and imbalanced but I could not let my seal spirit friend sit in an empty bathtub.
Spare no expense for your soul or your imagination or your dreams.
How to clarify your intentions
A public service announcement from my higher self.
Hold each intention up to the sun – see what drives you.
Message from a dream, September 20, 2022
Your intentions propel you through life.
If they are cloudy or driven by ego or fear then where you end up could be somewhere you don’t want to be.
If you want to see your future hold your intentions up to the Sun, one by one.
See what is really driving you.
Anything short of divine will is only cheating yourself.
Cute vegetable-animal-human creatures grown from spore prints of consciousness
Lately I’ve been dreaming about new energies and creatures that want to be pulled into this world. In my dreams I usher them through portals, create havens, give them voice. Last night I met the cutest creatures made from consciousness spore prints, called soul prints. Here is a distant relative from a hybrid kingdom who wanted to meet you.
An alchemical dream about Calcinatio
Calcinatio is the first process in Alchemy. It is the burning of prime matter into ash. This is from where the mythical phoenix rises. This is how you turn lead into gold. This is how you become something new.
Baptism in fire, by Midjourney
Dream, Saturday, April 9, 2022
It was supposed to be a baptism, only my head was set on fire. This is how you purify yourself, they said. Burn all your scripts and schemas, and then start all over again. How many times can I transform before I die? I wonder. My head a funeral pyre. My potential reborn.
The Devil and I gaze at the damned stars
The Devil and I gaze at the damned stars, by Midjourney
38th Birthday Dream, June 8, 2022
I found myself in Hell being led by the Devil into a house that looked a lot like my house. I thought this can’t be my birthday dream! This is more like a nightmare. And then I saw the sky and all the stars in the sky looked like heavenly stars, and I said to the Devil, “I didn’t know you could see Heaven from Hell.” He said he had never noticed the stars before and he stood there, awestruck. I could feel him falling in love. I knew then this was not a nightmare — this was a gift. I never wanted the moment to end. The Devil and I in Hell, both of us in love, gazing up at the damned stars.
The butterfly swan-dives into a teacup
AI art collage by Midjourney and me
In between states of consciousness — like wake and sleep — the psyche speaks in images. Last week, my psyche showed me a butterfly swan-diving into a teacup where a spider was waiting.
Related: The Mandrake Man Dance
Pro-aging skin treatment
Midjourney
I was an older woman in my dream. Someone said I had aged rapidly and it was most noticeable in my elbows. The skin around my elbows was loose and sagged toward the floor. I said, “I know. This is why I walk into every room with my arms up in the air — celebrating myself.”
Life advice from a Mexican day worker in a dream
This is a dream realm account from Tuesday, March 1, 2022.
I learned that night that not everyone you encounter is a guide with a message. Some dream spirits are just trying to do their job — but if you hound them hard enough they’ll scrounge up some wisdom to spare.
I found myself on a bus in the middle of nowhere, when it made a sudden stop. I got off the bus and followed two day workers to their construction site, asking questions along the way.
I said, “Tell me something that will help me in real life. Where do I go? Where should I go?”
The Mexican man didn’t want to give me advice. He wasn’t that kind of guide or spirit. He was just a day laborer — in another realm — doing his job.
But I knew we had the same blood, so I asked again. I hounded him for advice.
“You’re real, I know. Tell me something.”
He finally said, “Ok. When you are standing in a checkout line, always have your pesos ready to pay. Don’t be that person that waits until the last minute. Count out your change and have it ready in your hand. Keep the line moving.”
I stood there for some time in the front yard of the house they were working on. I looked both ways down the road. I wondered if another bus would come to take me somewhere. I knew eventually, yes.
The Raft Company's dissident
Psychedelic vision / dream, October 29, 2021
There was a woman who worked for The Raft Company.
Each morning she would put the rafts in the water for others to take out, and every evening she would pull them back in and put them away.
She never ventured out on her own or outside of working hours.
I told her she should take herself out into the ocean. These are your waters, I said.
The Company doesn't like that, she said. They don't want us to explore beyond what we know.
I reminded her that she owned her own raft, and didn't have to rely on The Company. She was allowed to explore beyond the territory.
But she wouldn't heed my advice, no matter how hard I pushed. I grew increasingly frustrated and then I woke myself up. I told myself I would never be like that woman who works for The Raft Company.
Every day I take out my own raft and I voyage farther than the day before.
Explore your mental floorplan
Mental Floorplan, (Dream, February 25, 2022)
We all gathered in the living room, my dream selves and I. There were many of us. We began to crowd each other.
I knew there were many rooms in my house. I could see the layout of my mind.
Sometimes we gravitate toward the same room over and over again. We think that's all we know. We forget there are mansions in our minds.
Look at your mental floorplan. See all your rooms. Keep exploring.
Disembodied spirit check-in
"You're on Earth. There's no cure for that." ― Samuel Beckett
We gathered in a dream — a check-in for disembodied spirits.
A man told me I was looking bright and brilliant — better than I had before. There was a loving warmth in his words, and a familiarity in the way he spoke to me.
I alluded to a recovery. Another spirit stranger piped in and asked if I had been dying. He thought by recovery I meant a terminal illness.
I was surprised at his question, as if he should have known me better. I said, “No, I’m on the life path/plan right now — same as you — we’re all dying.”
When I woke up I knew that by recovery, I meant something in the heart chakra that needed restructuring. A healing had occurred that made my spirit shine in the dream realm.
I was grateful for my disembodied spirit check-in. We were a family of souls catching up on each other's reality progress.
I considered how I could accomplish this in my waking life. How to conduct a disembodied spirit check-in with myself.
There's a divorce that needs to happen – between reality and the spirit. A disentanglement of your identity from your life path.
“How is it going?” Your spirit friends will ask you.
Failure, disappointment, heart break — you all laugh about it together.
That's just what it's like on the life track, someone will say.
You see humor in the hurdles.
You see the finish line and are in no hurry to get there.
No one is competing.
You hang back. You catch up with your friends.
You all look bright — like new stars just birthed.
On reality tunnels
We are all in a cosmic movie theatre seated on our own alien tapestries. Each of us is watching a private screening of our reality. I peek over to other people’s screens but they warn me:
“There are messages meant only for others.”
They’re only going to show me what I can handle. Anything else is too much. Keep your attention on your own reality tunnel.
[Dream message, July 7, 2021. Psychic dream imagery collage created by MidJourney and me]
The lonely woodworker who was not lonely
This was a vision from a psychedelic journey on June 4, 2022
A man sat alone with his chisel carving animal totems out of wood. To outsiders he appeared lonely, practicing his dead art. But beneath reality — what they could not see — was that the man was never alone. He was a man who lived in two kingdoms.
His wood was infused with the wisdom of ancient, guardian trees, and the animals he carved out of them were ancestors and spirits who guided and inspired every cut he made.
Each creation of his was a merging of living energies and because of this he was always connected and beaming with life and never, ever alone.
Note: This post is an excerpt from my weekly-ish newsletter called Many-Worlds Vision.
The sad girl & the island
On a ferry floating across a body of water, I meet a young girl on her way back home. She is sad. Her eyes well up with tears.
She had lived her whole life on an island she thought was paradise. Before this voyage, she never knew what it was like to leave. Now, as her island comes into view, it begins to feel too small for her. She had caught a glimpse of a whole new world, and because of that she now had to answer to a new mind and a new heart that made her want more and more for herself.
The girl mourned her past perspective which had kept her satisfied and safe. She now understood she could never go back home. She was being pushed toward the unknown, and even though the guiding force is divine, and every new discovery would be life-expanding and destined for her, she was still sad and she cried and I cried with her.
Things that do not belong to me
For the past month, I’ve been dreaming a lot about things that don’t belong to me — things like houses, lovers, jewelry. I covet them. I steal them. I fall in love with them. But in the end I wake up with none of it.
When I was a child, I would sometimes burst into tears upon waking, because the really cool thing I found in a dream did not exist. I still remember how badly I wanted those x-ray glasses, or the treasure chest filled with gold, or that fallen star gleaming in my hand.
I don’t cry about that anymore. As an adult I learned the hard way that not every beautiful thing belongs to me. “Sometimes the grown-up thing to do is ooh & ahh & walk away.”
But there are dream gifts that you can pull into real life. They come in the form of words, or images or in the spatial dimensions of an emotion.
I pay closest attention to Full Moon dreams, New Moon dreams, dreams while traveling or menstruating, birthday dreams, and even dreams on holidays can carry gifts.
Last night’s Full Moon dream had edges.
I found myself at an open house. As I walked through, each room was more beautiful and extravagant than the last. Exalted ceilings, ornate wood, gilded mouldings, stained glass. There were murals and mosaics and unearthed marble tile that had been restored. All the colors were rich and lustrous, and my heart ached to be bathed in their light.
I knew I could never own this house. It wasn’t for sale. They were only looking for a subletter, anyway. Someone who would live in the smallest room, without a view, and remain fairly unknown. There would be no lease or binding contract. No proof that I ever belonged there.
At the end of the dream, I stood there in the largest room — a Turkish-style bath — staring at the fairy-tale like murals. So much history that I was not a part of, so much future that I would never know. And I cried. Not like a child. Not because I couldn’t have something beautiful. I cried because I loved it anyway. I cried because it existed, and I appreciated it, and I would never forget it. And it didn’t matter who would live in this house or own it, I was here now, grounded in the moment, surrounded by walls that I loved — walls that I would let keep me forever.
Even after I awoke, I was still within those walls. That is the gift I brought back with me. My heart had a new shape — as if the dream had tugged on its edges and stretched it out further into the world. A new appreciation for all the beautiful things that will never belong to me, but that I get to see and love anyway.