The dying pig mother and her suckling piglets
The image above was created using text prompts on Midjourney. I didn’t want to create anything as photorealistic as my dream, but I will describe it in detail below.
Nightmare, August 29, 2022
I rarely have nightmares. Not all dreams evoke positive feelings, most are perplexing and paradoxical, but never this gruesome.
I come across a mutilated, dying pig mother. She is bloody and there is a litter of piglets suckling her. She is deflating and losing all of her life force. I want to help, but I don’t know what to do.
If her piglets continue to feed off of her she will flatten and die. She needs time to rest and recuperate, but the piglets are too young to wean off. They won’t survive without her warmth and milk.
There is no happy ending for this event, which makes this a nightmare.
The gift of this gruesome imagery arrived when I realized I am both the pig mother and the piglets. I can be draining and co-dependent and I can also give and give and give of myself until there is nothing left.
Love needs boundaries. When I feel imbalanced or unhappy in love, I ask myself who am I right now? Am I the dying pig mother or am I the draining piglets?
The waterless seal
Dream, October 24, 2022
I found myself regressed in an apartment belonging to my mother and ex-stepdad. The water bill was past due and I was told I could not bathe myself in their home. As I was packing my stuff to leave in search of a shower, I discovered a very dry mama seal floundering in the bathtub. I said, “I don’t care how much it costs, this beautiful creature needs a lot of water,” and I turned on the shower full blast.
The seal is a creature that can exist both in water and land — symbolizing perfect harmony between our inner world and the external world. As a totem a seal represents our creative and imaginative faculties. This dream felt impoverished and imbalanced but I could not let my seal spirit friend sit in an empty bathtub.
Spare no expense for your soul or your imagination or your dreams.
See souls as orbs of light
Visual meditation inspired by the Emerald Tablets of Thoth
Strip away reality. Imagine yourself in a black void and every being you meet is a glowing orb of light. Some are dim and smaller. Some are large and bright. “These are the lights that are souls among men, growing and fading, existing forever, changing yet living, through death into life.” When you see people this way, you see us all the same. You see how we light the way for one another — banish the darkness that envelops us all. I see your spark of light in the void and I beam my radiance back at you — a cosmic wink — until we meet again.
Death is a floating door in space
It’s not life vs death. It’s life and death. Creation and destruction. Light and darkness. The duality of existence has to be held with all of your senses — especially your sixth one. It is in the pauses and voids that you find your missing self. Every reality that is spoken creates a reality that is unspoken. Multiverses exist within you. Don’t limit yourself to just this one way of seeing. Always stand on both sides of the doorway.
Psychedelic vision, October 15, 2022
Death is an open door frame in Space. I walk through it and nothing has changed — I’m just on the other side.
I look back at my life and wish I would have known this before.
I will not lose my self after death. You take the self with you and merge it with your other lives.
The only thing you do lose after life is the gift of your form — the ability to materialize yourself in linear time.
When you’re on the other side of the doorway, you’ll be able to be everything all at once, but you’ll miss the one reality. This is the true miracle.
You are only one thing right now, but you have infinity at your finger tips.
Stand on both sides of the doorway — and from that vantage point — create your life.
A lesson in time — the eternal youth and the wise crone
Sometimes the goal is to drop the “I” from all your sentences. To identify less and less with your self or your sex or your station in life. And sometimes there is a need to do the polar opposite of that — to hold on to our form in a closed fist, to re-tell our personal myth over and over again, drop roots into the earth so our spirits don’t float away. I try to let go and hold at the same time. I am a woman with aspects of all different ages and genders within me. In my visions, I ring the church bell of my cathedral and I call them all home.
Night dream, October 22, 2022
The small boy within me dives into a cenote, but is unable to climb back out. He waits patiently for me to save him.
I’m scared, I say, I don’t know how to swim. But I jump in anyway.
This is the entrance to my underworld.
There is no way out, except for a spiraling tower that belongs to the wise crone within me. It’s locked. She has the passcode, but she can’t remember it in her old age.
The small boy and I know we will eventually become this older woman as time passes, bringing along the memory of the code.
All we can do is patiently wait.
How to clarify your intentions
A public service announcement from my higher self.
Hold each intention up to the sun – see what drives you.
Message from a dream, September 20, 2022
Your intentions propel you through life.
If they are cloudy or driven by ego or fear then where you end up could be somewhere you don’t want to be.
If you want to see your future hold your intentions up to the Sun, one by one.
See what is really driving you.
Anything short of divine will is only cheating yourself.
Cosmic bathtub personality mix
Vision from a psychedelic journey, April 1, 2022
I had a vision of bathtubs floating in space. It was before birth. Before I took this form. My soul tribe and I were disembodied spirits bathing in a row of cosmic bathtubs, waiting to be born. This is where we concocted our personalities — which is different from our consciousness or soul. We each sat in our own bathtub like cauldrons – adjusting the temperature and flow of the starry water — adding a little bit of this and a little bit of that — until we were just perfect for the life that we chose. We know we are not our personalities, we are the bathers in the cosmic bathtubs. Our personality is just a layer — a residue that we bathed ourselves in. It can always be washed off.
Cute vegetable-animal-human creatures grown from spore prints of consciousness
Lately I’ve been dreaming about new energies and creatures that want to be pulled into this world. In my dreams I usher them through portals, create havens, give them voice. Last night I met the cutest creatures made from consciousness spore prints, called soul prints. Here is a distant relative from a hybrid kingdom who wanted to meet you.
An alchemical dream about Calcinatio
Calcinatio is the first process in Alchemy. It is the burning of prime matter into ash. This is from where the mythical phoenix rises. This is how you turn lead into gold. This is how you become something new.
Baptism in fire, by Midjourney
Dream, Saturday, April 9, 2022
It was supposed to be a baptism, only my head was set on fire. This is how you purify yourself, they said. Burn all your scripts and schemas, and then start all over again. How many times can I transform before I die? I wonder. My head a funeral pyre. My potential reborn.
The Devil and I gaze at the damned stars
The Devil and I gaze at the damned stars, by Midjourney
38th Birthday Dream, June 8, 2022
I found myself in Hell being led by the Devil into a house that looked a lot like my house. I thought this can’t be my birthday dream! This is more like a nightmare. And then I saw the sky and all the stars in the sky looked like heavenly stars, and I said to the Devil, “I didn’t know you could see Heaven from Hell.” He said he had never noticed the stars before and he stood there, awestruck. I could feel him falling in love. I knew then this was not a nightmare — this was a gift. I never wanted the moment to end. The Devil and I in Hell, both of us in love, gazing up at the damned stars.
Gods-eye view
Gods-eye view by Midjourney
Vision from a psychedelic journey, September 3, 2022
I saw the Earth from Space. I saw all the temples and mosques and synagogues and cathedrals stacked up — one on top of the other — trying to get to God. I thought about all the ways I reach up toward God every day. Every shower is a baptism. Every walk a pilgrimage. I say Thank You over and over and over again — for my body, for life, for Love, and most of all, for my obstacles. Every bit of resistance I feel is an opportunity to grow. I stack my challenges — one on top of the other — and I climb them so that I can get to Heaven.
Choose your form
AI Art collage by Midjourney and me
Imagine all the consciousness in the universe funneling down into your head. You know everything. You see everything. But you can’t be everything and you can’t say everything. You must choose your form. At any given moment there are infinite potentials, but you can only pick one. Whatever you choose resonates and ripples out to the rest of the universe. The funnel goes both ways.
Related: Choosing your form and Whale wisdom
The butterfly swan-dives into a teacup
AI art collage by Midjourney and me
In between states of consciousness — like wake and sleep — the psyche speaks in images. Last week, my psyche showed me a butterfly swan-diving into a teacup where a spider was waiting.
Related: The Mandrake Man Dance
The Last Reunion
Midjourney
Sometimes we feel like disconnected segments of ourselves. Periods of our lives are cut off from each other. Our brain rewires and restructures itself, and we forget who we were in the past and what we felt and what we wanted. We forget this is not the only life we have lived. Someday you will call all the various versions of yourself home. Row after row of multiple you(s). Together you will walk toward the Sun. It will be your final pilgrimage, and it will feel like resting.
Guiding your rivers of doubt
I fell asleep with worries on my mind. In my dream, I found myself navigating the rivers of doubts within me. I tried to make the negative streams of energy disappear. I was told, “You can’t dispel your rivers of fears, you can only guide them.” You do this by aligning yourself with freedom and possibilities and trust. You build embankments or boundaries within you. This is how you prevent flooding of emotions. This is how you channel your gifts toward your purpose. All rivers flow toward the Sea. This is how you guide yourself toward the Universe.
Pro-aging skin treatment
Midjourney
I was an older woman in my dream. Someone said I had aged rapidly and it was most noticeable in my elbows. The skin around my elbows was loose and sagged toward the floor. I said, “I know. This is why I walk into every room with my arms up in the air — celebrating myself.”
All the unknowns are outlined
A blackout poem made using blocks of text from my diary and Emma Winston’s Blackout Poetry Maker.
Deep Continuity: the spiral web your soul weaves
A goddess of spiderwebs of alternate timelines and dimensions (Midjourney)
I dream of spiders and spiders can dream.
For several nights, I dreamed of stumbling upon spider webs. One night, I found a rainbow-colored web in the back of my closet. It was woven tightly like a sweater. The strongest material on earth made by the most fragile bodies. If you drop a tarantula from a small distance it will break and die.
In another dream, I was between the walls of Space and Time when I saw a book about the future trapped in a spider web. An old-timey radio broadcast came on and alerted the public that this book was being changed from the past. The words in printed copies were being altered as they were read.
The dream messengers said I could do this too. Write my own life across timelines — backwards and forwards. Change the past to create new futures.
Still the message is just a metaphor. Symbols are flat. And animal totems are shapeshifters. Dreams weave themselves outside of time — the meaning of them is revealed only after patience and reverence. So I carried the dreams with me for days, trying to fit them into my reality like puzzle pieces. Then one morning, I woke up to find a spider had spun part of its web on the lawn. It gleamed in the sun. I meditated on it quietly, until a meaning arose in the form of a question — what is the deepest desire that drives you?
I think of my parents, because I am a continuation of them. Their desires are encoded into my DNA and my whole life I've tried to disentangle my identity from theirs. My father, who never wanted to be poor, would spend hours shining his shoes only to hide his holey bottoms. My mother, even as a child, could never escape the male gaze, and it splintered her into a hundred pieces.
Fears often disguise themselves as desires and sit behind the wheel of all our decisions — these are things that need to be rewritten.
Your true desires are separate from any external influence. You sense them in the trajectory of your life. Every decision I have ever made has been driven by the desire to feel freedom and connect with God on my own terms.
So this is what I do. This is how I time travel. I connect with my deepest desires — not my parents, not anyone else's. I go back and sit with younger versions of myself. I consult and console. And each time I return to the now, I come back with another piece of my puzzle. This is how you establish Deep Continuity.
Sometimes I meditate and sit with my 60-year-old self. A woman I am getting to know little by little. She is graceful and wise and boundlessly loving, and I always ask her — how do I get from me to you? The path is not clear. One time I asked her in a dream "What is the difference between me and you?" and she responded, "Pull the universe toward you."
Deep Continuity is the spiral web that your soul weaves. You can travel it, back and forth across your life. You can quantum leap into paths not taken. You can extrapolate into futures not yet created. You can pull the universe toward you.
You can do this, because you now know what drives you in every direction.
Life advice from a Mexican day worker in a dream
This is a dream realm account from Tuesday, March 1, 2022.
I learned that night that not everyone you encounter is a guide with a message. Some dream spirits are just trying to do their job — but if you hound them hard enough they’ll scrounge up some wisdom to spare.
I found myself on a bus in the middle of nowhere, when it made a sudden stop. I got off the bus and followed two day workers to their construction site, asking questions along the way.
I said, “Tell me something that will help me in real life. Where do I go? Where should I go?”
The Mexican man didn’t want to give me advice. He wasn’t that kind of guide or spirit. He was just a day laborer — in another realm — doing his job.
But I knew we had the same blood, so I asked again. I hounded him for advice.
“You’re real, I know. Tell me something.”
He finally said, “Ok. When you are standing in a checkout line, always have your pesos ready to pay. Don’t be that person that waits until the last minute. Count out your change and have it ready in your hand. Keep the line moving.”
I stood there for some time in the front yard of the house they were working on. I looked both ways down the road. I wondered if another bus would come to take me somewhere. I knew eventually, yes.
Ferris Wheel of Activators
Sometimes in dreams you are given assignments or astral homework. The purpose of which is to clear out energy blocks or to act as guide posts along your path, pointing you to a new trailhead.
Advice and assignments from the astral realm line up in a queue in your mind, and wait for you to act upon it. If you don’t, the queue gets backed up and new messages from the Divine won’t be able to cut in line to get to you.
On Sunday, June 19, 2022, I saw in a dream what they called my activators rotating on a ferris wheel — similar to the Wheel of Fortune tarot card. An activator is an energy that you draw power from. It propels you through life with passion. I was assigned to categorize the activities and people in my life that act as activators.
I began with a blank astrological chart. In each of the 12 houses I wrote down values or concepts that are vital to my existence. Each one is a dimension that I can travel to or a room in my mind that I can dance inside of.
Underneath each dimension, I wrote down the activities that activate these values. I took note of the ones that repeat.
Hiking activates Freedom and Solitude and Play and Beauty. Working with my dreams in waking life activates Mystery, Exploration, Divination, Creation and more. Reading teleports me to the dimension of Mystery and Wisdom. Worship is Love.
The last part of my astral homework was to categorize the people in my life. I chose colors for the persons closest to me and drew lines connecting them to the realms they activate. Some people are more influential than others.
If I know what activities and people activate my passion for life then I have no reason to ever be bored or uninspired. I just spin the wheel and try something else.
You can download your own blank ferris wheel here.
