Mechanical waters on fire and the natural vision
In last night’s dream, a young girl was spilling lighter fluid in the water to set fire to the seas. We tried to snuff it out with a tower of machinery—old car parts, boat fragments and helicopter chunks.
Today in waking life, on the road back from LA, I see only the natural elements of the earth—water, fruits, trees and skies.
What happens to my perception of reality when I ignore the rest?
Memory Log - August 2024
Phrases, mantras, and concepts that I don’t want to forget. Seeds to plant and keep watering:
I see the golden 8s showering us from the cosmos: I see the agreement to come down to earth to be horizontal linear creatures like the animals. This is how we become family with the earth, the jewel of our galaxy. — Channeled vision, August 8, 2024 (Lion’s Gate)
We come down on giant waves of water toward the earth. There are epochs of this and periods of no descending. — Clairaudient dream, July 29, 2024
“Disenjar” Cristy, they said. Disenjar is a hybrid word meaning to remove from a confined state and release. Cristy, being my inner child aspect. — Dream, July 10, 2024
“Caption the moment”: What’s it like to wake up and only think about yourself? This is said in a positive way, as separatism is part of the game. But we’re enmeshed in the collective field. I see it as captions or indexes of moments. Describe what the secret desire of Claudia is at this moment. Like in stage plays—everyone with their own beat and energy arrow headed in a specific way. What is everyone’s true desire here? You should be aware of it every moment, and caption it. — Dream, July 28, 2024. (Two nights later, my angelic guides presented this in another way to understand better)
“Unhook from the storyline.” An old dream message that keeps resurfacing.
“Clear Paths, Open Roads” / "Living heaven on earth" — Mantras spoken in a Medicine Journey, July 6, 2024
"Nothing to prove, all to express" — Akashic Records, August 17, 2024
“From Prisoner to Potential.” — The Changing Fish jumping out of the cup of water. Voice Dialogue / Dreamwork Session, August 19, 2024.
Giant Shadow Personality
I realized her shadow personality was darkening the true parts of herself that were pure, bright light. I knew that enlightening did not mean bestowing light on to another person, but to see their darkness for what it is — shadows cast by the pure light within them.
As moons, we reflect the light we see in other souls and hold vigil for them during their dark periods.
I realized that some people climb their mountain, see another mountain — covet and long to be on that far off peak — but forget the arduous soul process of climbing and conquering.
In the dream, I knew about the Giants that used to live on Earth. I wasn’t surprised to hear about the folklore. I had been chased by their looming shadows. Or maybe I only thought I was being chased because I was running away. I ran from the giants’ shadows because the other people were running.
I should have let myself be swallowed by the darkness in order to find the largest source of light I had ever encountered.
Open Tab:
“What was I made for?” — A question I want to answer.
Trash Can:
Longing for other peaks, when I am not done exploring my current mountain.
Bookmarked:
Dreaming of Giants of Kentucky and the Yangtze River.
The Cosmic Womb
TRANSCRIPT:
Here is a dream that I cannot create imagery for and does not want to be flattened down by the written word. It can only be spoken and walked through with voice.
I am in a house, and it is my house, and it exists outside of space and time. I am hosting a gathering of people that I have known this lifetime, but from different places and ages, and some of whom have passed and are no longer living. But here they are, in my cosmic house. And I am preparing the space.
I am acting as a psychedelic guide, and I am pairing them up, men and women. One man, one woman, to embark on this journey. And this has nothing to do with sexuality or gender. This is just the symbol for the Divine Feminine Energies and the Masculine Energies. And those are, Masculine being our more action-oriented, discerning, rational energies, and the Divine Feminine being our more receptive, open, intuitive, psychic energies.
So here they are, paired up in perfect balance, and I am the psychedelic guide, and I feel very competent and capable in this role, but at the same time — outside of my dream body — I have a dual awareness, and this second awareness is my waking life awareness. “Waking Life Claudia” is there and she's there as the witness and the observer of this vision, where I am acting as the guide or the shaman.
That's when I realize that there is no sacred medicine to dispense to the people. That the path to these alternate realities, or to the ultimate truth, requires each woman in the pairing to spread her vulva as wide as possible for each man to enter by his head, as if it's a reverse birth.
This is the “The Cosmic Womb”. This is the Divine Feminine Womb. There's nothing sexual about this. It's just depicted in a very graphic way within my dream. And this is the point in the dream where my husband walks up to me and he says, “Okay, it's your turn.”
I very sternly shake my finger at him and I say, “No, I am not the portal.”
And then I show him a diorama of my own womb or vulva, only it's not anatomically correct. It's not a diorama of that. It is an ancient, petrified forest. And I say, “Don't you see? This is not a portal.”
And that's when I wake up and I have those words ringing in my head: “No, I am not a portal.”
And I sit with this dream for the whole month of October. And I have other dreams that shed more light on it. And then I come to an understanding of how to act as a conduit and a guide without being used energetically as a portal.
But beyond that, if I was going to bring it down to Earth, as close as I can to the 3D-level I would say that we are each our own portal. That this pairing up of the men and the women was not a message that we need someone external, like a priest or a shaman, to experience other truths, other realities.
It was just the message of the balance of both, of being grounded and yet open to these divine cosmic influences, and of experiencing existence that way. Through your own portal.
Updated: How to be be charismatic and attract your destiny
“Think about what would save your life, and then reach toward that.”
At a festive gathering — in between the worlds — a skinny, awkward man asks a charismatic witch man what he could do to attract love and his destiny. The witch man says, “Sit at the corner of the table and think about what you could do or say to save your life right now and then reach toward that.”
Dream, September 27, 2021
Charisma is your personal magic. It's so easy to recognize charisma in others — they are charming and alluring. "Reach toward what would save your life" means align yourself with your natural gifts and divine purpose and then head toward that — and don't look back. Your love and destiny will follow.
Dark Earth Goddess and the soiling of the Soul
I’m headed to Ireland in a few weeks. I’ve been summoned there by my dreams. I find it to be true that once you set an intention to travel or commit to a future event in your life, you can begin to pull energy from that future moment.
Here is a dream that was set in Ireland, both in a mythological past timeline as well as in this linear future.
Dream, June 1, 2023
My Mother or Fairy Godmother or Past-Life Mother tells me a story. She says, “All my Daughters have Dark Earth within.”
I see my human body woven with grass and muddy earth.
It’s ok to make mistakes of varying degrees, she says. Sometimes the darker the regret, the closer we are to Mother Earth’s forgiveness.
These are human lessons to learn. In Heaven there are no mistakes. This being human is a gift— how else will we grow?
I see the seams of my body sewn with soil.
The soul “in a sense” is soiled when we incarnate. This is how I will grow.
Something I will learn in Ireland.
Gossip Angels
We sat huddled on the floor
gossiping like school girls —
in the purest way
and I can’t tell you
what was said
because it’s a secret
but it was about you
and your fears
and how it’s all going to be
OK.
The 2,000-year-old Claudia Tree
In a dream, they say “You are not the first iteration of Claudia.
You are merely a branch of a 2,000-year-old Claudia Tree.
Feel the ancient wisdom within you.”
I am my mothers tears remembering me.
The Dreaming
I was in Egypt for two weeks in November, anchoring myself in temples and tombs along the Nile River. My dreams in Egypt were potent and bold and alien, but I have yet to translate them into a language or imagery I can share.
Dreams tend to screen themselves as something mundane to avoid breaking our brains. My husband says he only dreams of boring things like emptying dishwashers and riding passenger side in cars — but those dreams are also potent, and they have messages too.
I had several dreams of Susan Sarandon gifting me things and taking me under her wing before I realized who she symbolized. She was my Goddess archetype and once the goddess broke through me (read about it here), I stopped dreaming of Susan Sarandon and I started dreaming of the Goddess herself. Sometimes the goddess appears as Isis, or she is a beautiful warrior woman with wings or sometimes she is me. A screen is no longer needed in that case.
In Egypt there were no screens over my dreams. The veil was lifted and I was shot out to other planets, rapid-fire slipping into other consciousnesses — most of them not even human.
I remind myself that these visions are not fixed realities inviting me to come and live within them. They are tools to help dismantle the mental frameworks that were never mine to begin with. The ways of thinking that were handed down to me externally.
When you decide to spiral inward instead of out toward the world, you'll quickly discover there is a deep, deep abyss within you — and it is roaring.
In dreams I fly, I stretch across time, I create new realities, I shape-shift, I teleport, I talk to angels, animals, aliens and ghosts.
Dreams act as floodgates for the imaginal and the imagination. They create new ways of seeing that will defy everything you knew before.
With that said, in waking life I will never levitate. I will never manifest billions of dollars. I will never wake up one morning in a different timeline or reality.
I have limitations because I am anchored here on Earth, and before I was born I made a promise to play this thing out as human and to play by the rules or laws of nature.
And all of that is OK with me, because I have my dreams. And when I leave my body at night and I travel through the worlds, it's not an act of escapism. It is a radical act of humanism.
I only have this short blip of life and I hope I'm doing it right, and some people stay in school forever or go to church for guidance or fill their brains with books, but I just go to The Dreaming.
Every night is like reaching into a grab bag of universal consciousness and pulling out other-worldly views of time and space and love and humanness.
Here is an unedited stream of consciousness after one of those dreams in Egypt:
Monday, November 14, 2022, 11:49pm. Dream notes. They are showing me my home planet. I can’t confirm if it is Mars, but Mars-like, red rocks. Someday they’ll find the tombs there. Maybe my body is there or maybe I only had a light body, not a physical body. The creature life there glowed in the dark or was bioluminescent in psychedelic colors. Maybe I was a creature or maybe I was ALL the creatures. One entity … the entire planet breathing in my bioluminescent veins. I danced like an aboriginal with neon colored ink on my body. And when I danced new realities materialized before me. Dreams were my bloodline, like now. This is just one lifespan. Non-human. Not of this Earth. I have transcended before on another planet. This is why I feel like a gypsy, why I have no roots, why stability can sometimes feel like a prison. All these facets of life we chose for ourselves are man-made obstacle courses for us to “remember” and grow past our temporary circumstances. I have to extend my soul spirit out past this planet, make it reach back in to the future where the past begins and connect all my lives on the wheel of time. All that wisdom from other lives, other planets. The fruits of my experience. The wheel must become that. When I say I have to “get off the wheel,” I mean I need to be in the hub driving it, fully remembering all my alien lives. All the aspects can come home now.
Night terror hate mind-dump
I woke up at 11:54pm on Saturday, October 29 with the message that I should be doing a nightly “Night terror hate mind-dump.”
Usually my astral homework is not as aggressive-sounding, but the purpose of these divine “assignments” seems to be to help unblock stuck energy and emotions.
So last night before bed, I did it. I created a note on my phone and I listed all my nightmare-inducing stressors. After I wrote them out I stared at my list and read them over and over until they seemed ridiculous and irrational.
Then, I let out a deep breath and let myself fall asleep peacefully, without the weight of these invisible terrors.
FYI, “Chona” is my dad’s 4-year-old English bulldog who is perfectly healthy, but who I often worry about for no good reason. Here is a picture of her insisting she is a lap dog, taken on my 38th birthday:
A lesson in time — the eternal youth and the wise crone
Sometimes the goal is to drop the “I” from all your sentences. To identify less and less with your self or your sex or your station in life. And sometimes there is a need to do the polar opposite of that — to hold on to our form in a closed fist, to re-tell our personal myth over and over again, drop roots into the earth so our spirits don’t float away. I try to let go and hold at the same time. I am a woman with aspects of all different ages and genders within me. In my visions, I ring the church bell of my cathedral and I call them all home.
Night dream, October 22, 2022
The small boy within me dives into a cenote, but is unable to climb back out. He waits patiently for me to save him.
I’m scared, I say, I don’t know how to swim. But I jump in anyway.
This is the entrance to my underworld.
There is no way out, except for a spiraling tower that belongs to the wise crone within me. It’s locked. She has the passcode, but she can’t remember it in her old age.
The small boy and I know we will eventually become this older woman as time passes, bringing along the memory of the code.
All we can do is patiently wait.
Deep Continuity: the spiral web your soul weaves
A goddess of spiderwebs of alternate timelines and dimensions (Midjourney)
I dream of spiders and spiders can dream.
For several nights, I dreamed of stumbling upon spider webs. One night, I found a rainbow-colored web in the back of my closet. It was woven tightly like a sweater. The strongest material on earth made by the most fragile bodies. If you drop a tarantula from a small distance it will break and die.
In another dream, I was between the walls of Space and Time when I saw a book about the future trapped in a spider web. An old-timey radio broadcast came on and alerted the public that this book was being changed from the past. The words in printed copies were being altered as they were read.
The dream messengers said I could do this too. Write my own life across timelines — backwards and forwards. Change the past to create new futures.
Still the message is just a metaphor. Symbols are flat. And animal totems are shapeshifters. Dreams weave themselves outside of time — the meaning of them is revealed only after patience and reverence. So I carried the dreams with me for days, trying to fit them into my reality like puzzle pieces. Then one morning, I woke up to find a spider had spun part of its web on the lawn. It gleamed in the sun. I meditated on it quietly, until a meaning arose in the form of a question — what is the deepest desire that drives you?
I think of my parents, because I am a continuation of them. Their desires are encoded into my DNA and my whole life I've tried to disentangle my identity from theirs. My father, who never wanted to be poor, would spend hours shining his shoes only to hide his holey bottoms. My mother, even as a child, could never escape the male gaze, and it splintered her into a hundred pieces.
Fears often disguise themselves as desires and sit behind the wheel of all our decisions — these are things that need to be rewritten.
Your true desires are separate from any external influence. You sense them in the trajectory of your life. Every decision I have ever made has been driven by the desire to feel freedom and connect with God on my own terms.
So this is what I do. This is how I time travel. I connect with my deepest desires — not my parents, not anyone else's. I go back and sit with younger versions of myself. I consult and console. And each time I return to the now, I come back with another piece of my puzzle. This is how you establish Deep Continuity.
Sometimes I meditate and sit with my 60-year-old self. A woman I am getting to know little by little. She is graceful and wise and boundlessly loving, and I always ask her — how do I get from me to you? The path is not clear. One time I asked her in a dream "What is the difference between me and you?" and she responded, "Pull the universe toward you."
Deep Continuity is the spiral web that your soul weaves. You can travel it, back and forth across your life. You can quantum leap into paths not taken. You can extrapolate into futures not yet created. You can pull the universe toward you.
You can do this, because you now know what drives you in every direction.
Ferris Wheel of Activators
Sometimes in dreams you are given assignments or astral homework. The purpose of which is to clear out energy blocks or to act as guide posts along your path, pointing you to a new trailhead.
Advice and assignments from the astral realm line up in a queue in your mind, and wait for you to act upon it. If you don’t, the queue gets backed up and new messages from the Divine won’t be able to cut in line to get to you.
On Sunday, June 19, 2022, I saw in a dream what they called my activators rotating on a ferris wheel — similar to the Wheel of Fortune tarot card. An activator is an energy that you draw power from. It propels you through life with passion. I was assigned to categorize the activities and people in my life that act as activators.
I began with a blank astrological chart. In each of the 12 houses I wrote down values or concepts that are vital to my existence. Each one is a dimension that I can travel to or a room in my mind that I can dance inside of.
Underneath each dimension, I wrote down the activities that activate these values. I took note of the ones that repeat.
Hiking activates Freedom and Solitude and Play and Beauty. Working with my dreams in waking life activates Mystery, Exploration, Divination, Creation and more. Reading teleports me to the dimension of Mystery and Wisdom. Worship is Love.
The last part of my astral homework was to categorize the people in my life. I chose colors for the persons closest to me and drew lines connecting them to the realms they activate. Some people are more influential than others.
If I know what activities and people activate my passion for life then I have no reason to ever be bored or uninspired. I just spin the wheel and try something else.
You can download your own blank ferris wheel here.
Explore your mental floorplan
Mental Floorplan, (Dream, February 25, 2022)
We all gathered in the living room, my dream selves and I. There were many of us. We began to crowd each other.
I knew there were many rooms in my house. I could see the layout of my mind.
Sometimes we gravitate toward the same room over and over again. We think that's all we know. We forget there are mansions in our minds.
Look at your mental floorplan. See all your rooms. Keep exploring.
On reality tunnels
We are all in a cosmic movie theatre seated on our own alien tapestries. Each of us is watching a private screening of our reality. I peek over to other people’s screens but they warn me:
“There are messages meant only for others.”
They’re only going to show me what I can handle. Anything else is too much. Keep your attention on your own reality tunnel.
[Dream message, July 7, 2021. Psychic dream imagery collage created by MidJourney and me]
What happens to hearts while dreaming:
He said he would call me later that night while we were both sleeping, because in dreams our hearts disrobe themselves of muscles and tissues and details of life and they become entangled in light. Light, he said, that twists and forms shadows of every thing, and the shadows of things are not really things, but fragments of things that care for nothing but love.