An alchemical dream about Calcinatio
Calcinatio is the first process in Alchemy. It is the burning of prime matter into ash. This is from where the mythical phoenix rises. This is how you turn lead into gold. This is how you become something new.
Baptism in fire, by Midjourney
Dream, Saturday, April 9, 2022
It was supposed to be a baptism, only my head was set on fire. This is how you purify yourself, they said. Burn all your scripts and schemas, and then start all over again. How many times can I transform before I die? I wonder. My head a funeral pyre. My potential reborn.
The Devil and I gaze at the damned stars
The Devil and I gaze at the damned stars, by Midjourney
38th Birthday Dream, June 8, 2022
I found myself in Hell being led by the Devil into a house that looked a lot like my house. I thought this can’t be my birthday dream! This is more like a nightmare. And then I saw the sky and all the stars in the sky looked like heavenly stars, and I said to the Devil, “I didn’t know you could see Heaven from Hell.” He said he had never noticed the stars before and he stood there, awestruck. I could feel him falling in love. I knew then this was not a nightmare — this was a gift. I never wanted the moment to end. The Devil and I in Hell, both of us in love, gazing up at the damned stars.
Gods-eye view
Gods-eye view by Midjourney
Vision from a psychedelic journey, September 3, 2022
I saw the Earth from Space. I saw all the temples and mosques and synagogues and cathedrals stacked up — one on top of the other — trying to get to God. I thought about all the ways I reach up toward God every day. Every shower is a baptism. Every walk a pilgrimage. I say Thank You over and over and over again — for my body, for life, for Love, and most of all, for my obstacles. Every bit of resistance I feel is an opportunity to grow. I stack my challenges — one on top of the other — and I climb them so that I can get to Heaven.
Choose your form
AI Art collage by Midjourney and me
Imagine all the consciousness in the universe funneling down into your head. You know everything. You see everything. But you can’t be everything and you can’t say everything. You must choose your form. At any given moment there are infinite potentials, but you can only pick one. Whatever you choose resonates and ripples out to the rest of the universe. The funnel goes both ways.
Related: Choosing your form and Whale wisdom
The butterfly swan-dives into a teacup
AI art collage by Midjourney and me
In between states of consciousness — like wake and sleep — the psyche speaks in images. Last week, my psyche showed me a butterfly swan-diving into a teacup where a spider was waiting.
Related: The Mandrake Man Dance
The Last Reunion
Midjourney
Sometimes we feel like disconnected segments of ourselves. Periods of our lives are cut off from each other. Our brain rewires and restructures itself, and we forget who we were in the past and what we felt and what we wanted. We forget this is not the only life we have lived. Someday you will call all the various versions of yourself home. Row after row of multiple you(s). Together you will walk toward the Sun. It will be your final pilgrimage, and it will feel like resting.
Guiding your rivers of doubt
I fell asleep with worries on my mind. In my dream, I found myself navigating the rivers of doubts within me. I tried to make the negative streams of energy disappear. I was told, “You can’t dispel your rivers of fears, you can only guide them.” You do this by aligning yourself with freedom and possibilities and trust. You build embankments or boundaries within you. This is how you prevent flooding of emotions. This is how you channel your gifts toward your purpose. All rivers flow toward the Sea. This is how you guide yourself toward the Universe.
Pro-aging skin treatment
Midjourney
I was an older woman in my dream. Someone said I had aged rapidly and it was most noticeable in my elbows. The skin around my elbows was loose and sagged toward the floor. I said, “I know. This is why I walk into every room with my arms up in the air — celebrating myself.”
All the unknowns are outlined
A blackout poem made using blocks of text from my diary and Emma Winston’s Blackout Poetry Maker.
Deep Continuity: the spiral web your soul weaves
A goddess of spiderwebs of alternate timelines and dimensions (Midjourney)
I dream of spiders and spiders can dream.
For several nights, I dreamed of stumbling upon spider webs. One night, I found a rainbow-colored web in the back of my closet. It was woven tightly like a sweater. The strongest material on earth made by the most fragile bodies. If you drop a tarantula from a small distance it will break and die.
In another dream, I was between the walls of Space and Time when I saw a book about the future trapped in a spider web. An old-timey radio broadcast came on and alerted the public that this book was being changed from the past. The words in printed copies were being altered as they were read.
The dream messengers said I could do this too. Write my own life across timelines — backwards and forwards. Change the past to create new futures.
Still the message is just a metaphor. Symbols are flat. And animal totems are shapeshifters. Dreams weave themselves outside of time — the meaning of them is revealed only after patience and reverence. So I carried the dreams with me for days, trying to fit them into my reality like puzzle pieces. Then one morning, I woke up to find a spider had spun part of its web on the lawn. It gleamed in the sun. I meditated on it quietly, until a meaning arose in the form of a question — what is the deepest desire that drives you?
I think of my parents, because I am a continuation of them. Their desires are encoded into my DNA and my whole life I've tried to disentangle my identity from theirs. My father, who never wanted to be poor, would spend hours shining his shoes only to hide his holey bottoms. My mother, even as a child, could never escape the male gaze, and it splintered her into a hundred pieces.
Fears often disguise themselves as desires and sit behind the wheel of all our decisions — these are things that need to be rewritten.
Your true desires are separate from any external influence. You sense them in the trajectory of your life. Every decision I have ever made has been driven by the desire to feel freedom and connect with God on my own terms.
So this is what I do. This is how I time travel. I connect with my deepest desires — not my parents, not anyone else's. I go back and sit with younger versions of myself. I consult and console. And each time I return to the now, I come back with another piece of my puzzle. This is how you establish Deep Continuity.
Sometimes I meditate and sit with my 60-year-old self. A woman I am getting to know little by little. She is graceful and wise and boundlessly loving, and I always ask her — how do I get from me to you? The path is not clear. One time I asked her in a dream "What is the difference between me and you?" and she responded, "Pull the universe toward you."
Deep Continuity is the spiral web that your soul weaves. You can travel it, back and forth across your life. You can quantum leap into paths not taken. You can extrapolate into futures not yet created. You can pull the universe toward you.
You can do this, because you now know what drives you in every direction.
Life advice from a Mexican day worker in a dream
This is a dream realm account from Tuesday, March 1, 2022.
I learned that night that not everyone you encounter is a guide with a message. Some dream spirits are just trying to do their job — but if you hound them hard enough they’ll scrounge up some wisdom to spare.
I found myself on a bus in the middle of nowhere, when it made a sudden stop. I got off the bus and followed two day workers to their construction site, asking questions along the way.
I said, “Tell me something that will help me in real life. Where do I go? Where should I go?”
The Mexican man didn’t want to give me advice. He wasn’t that kind of guide or spirit. He was just a day laborer — in another realm — doing his job.
But I knew we had the same blood, so I asked again. I hounded him for advice.
“You’re real, I know. Tell me something.”
He finally said, “Ok. When you are standing in a checkout line, always have your pesos ready to pay. Don’t be that person that waits until the last minute. Count out your change and have it ready in your hand. Keep the line moving.”
I stood there for some time in the front yard of the house they were working on. I looked both ways down the road. I wondered if another bus would come to take me somewhere. I knew eventually, yes.
Ferris Wheel of Activators
Sometimes in dreams you are given assignments or astral homework. The purpose of which is to clear out energy blocks or to act as guide posts along your path, pointing you to a new trailhead.
Advice and assignments from the astral realm line up in a queue in your mind, and wait for you to act upon it. If you don’t, the queue gets backed up and new messages from the Divine won’t be able to cut in line to get to you.
On Sunday, June 19, 2022, I saw in a dream what they called my activators rotating on a ferris wheel — similar to the Wheel of Fortune tarot card. An activator is an energy that you draw power from. It propels you through life with passion. I was assigned to categorize the activities and people in my life that act as activators.
I began with a blank astrological chart. In each of the 12 houses I wrote down values or concepts that are vital to my existence. Each one is a dimension that I can travel to or a room in my mind that I can dance inside of.
Underneath each dimension, I wrote down the activities that activate these values. I took note of the ones that repeat.
Hiking activates Freedom and Solitude and Play and Beauty. Working with my dreams in waking life activates Mystery, Exploration, Divination, Creation and more. Reading teleports me to the dimension of Mystery and Wisdom. Worship is Love.
The last part of my astral homework was to categorize the people in my life. I chose colors for the persons closest to me and drew lines connecting them to the realms they activate. Some people are more influential than others.
If I know what activities and people activate my passion for life then I have no reason to ever be bored or uninspired. I just spin the wheel and try something else.
You can download your own blank ferris wheel here.
The Raft Company's dissident
Psychedelic vision / dream, October 29, 2021
There was a woman who worked for The Raft Company.
Each morning she would put the rafts in the water for others to take out, and every evening she would pull them back in and put them away.
She never ventured out on her own or outside of working hours.
I told her she should take herself out into the ocean. These are your waters, I said.
The Company doesn't like that, she said. They don't want us to explore beyond what we know.
I reminded her that she owned her own raft, and didn't have to rely on The Company. She was allowed to explore beyond the territory.
But she wouldn't heed my advice, no matter how hard I pushed. I grew increasingly frustrated and then I woke myself up. I told myself I would never be like that woman who works for The Raft Company.
Every day I take out my own raft and I voyage farther than the day before.
Explore your mental floorplan
Mental Floorplan, (Dream, February 25, 2022)
We all gathered in the living room, my dream selves and I. There were many of us. We began to crowd each other.
I knew there were many rooms in my house. I could see the layout of my mind.
Sometimes we gravitate toward the same room over and over again. We think that's all we know. We forget there are mansions in our minds.
Look at your mental floorplan. See all your rooms. Keep exploring.
Noticient (v.) language of the angels
Noticient, they angels said, is a sentient noticing.
It begins with noticing, then becoming conscious of the senses or intuitive sensations.
It is a state of being.
And when you let that guide you as your intelligence or a compass, then you are acting as a noticient being.
This is a doorway to connect to the angel realm.
Disembodied spirit check-in
"You're on Earth. There's no cure for that." ― Samuel Beckett
We gathered in a dream — a check-in for disembodied spirits.
A man told me I was looking bright and brilliant — better than I had before. There was a loving warmth in his words, and a familiarity in the way he spoke to me.
I alluded to a recovery. Another spirit stranger piped in and asked if I had been dying. He thought by recovery I meant a terminal illness.
I was surprised at his question, as if he should have known me better. I said, “No, I’m on the life path/plan right now — same as you — we’re all dying.”
When I woke up I knew that by recovery, I meant something in the heart chakra that needed restructuring. A healing had occurred that made my spirit shine in the dream realm.
I was grateful for my disembodied spirit check-in. We were a family of souls catching up on each other's reality progress.
I considered how I could accomplish this in my waking life. How to conduct a disembodied spirit check-in with myself.
There's a divorce that needs to happen – between reality and the spirit. A disentanglement of your identity from your life path.
“How is it going?” Your spirit friends will ask you.
Failure, disappointment, heart break — you all laugh about it together.
That's just what it's like on the life track, someone will say.
You see humor in the hurdles.
You see the finish line and are in no hurry to get there.
No one is competing.
You hang back. You catch up with your friends.
You all look bright — like new stars just birthed.
Access different types of consciousness
Imagine you are operating an old-timey telephone switchboard. See yourself unplugging the wires from the lower holes and plugging them into the upper rows. This is you shifting your awareness. This is you transforming lower frequencies of fear and doubt to the higher potentials of spirit — love, joy, play, wonder.
Now imagine shifting your awareness from the subatomic level to the Universal mind. Teach yourself to sense what the different types of consciousness feels like:
Subatomic consciousness, aware of the vast cosmic fields in which it interacts with all other subatomic consciousness.
Cellular consciousness, based on DNA blueprints, and impressed with the experiences of your life, your thoughts, and emotions.
Body consciousness, or the gestalt of cellular consciousness, plus a few ideas of its own (the body relies largely on the mental body's beliefs for its self-image, however).
Emotional consciousness, or emotions that flow through you in the moment, overlaid with past emotions that you held onto instead of allowing them to flow. Thoughts and beliefs that you use to structure reality (Be aware that any belief is only an opinion about reality.)
Spiritual consciousness, intuition, or direct cognition. This aspect taps into what's often been called Universal Mind. It's actually part of a hidden blueprint from which reality flows and contains, among other things, your species' archetypes, the heroic aspects of humanity. Through this "connective tissue" for physical reality, you can access other times, other places, and other dimensions.
Plug and unplug the wires as you shift your awareness. This is you accessing different types of consciousness.
Source: An Ascension Handbook
On reality tunnels
We are all in a cosmic movie theatre seated on our own alien tapestries. Each of us is watching a private screening of our reality. I peek over to other people’s screens but they warn me:
“There are messages meant only for others.”
They’re only going to show me what I can handle. Anything else is too much. Keep your attention on your own reality tunnel.
[Dream message, July 7, 2021. Psychic dream imagery collage created by MidJourney and me]
The Moon Tarot Card: A Meditation
In The Moon Tarot Card:
In the land of dreams — when your intellect is illumined by intuition — two dogs bark and howl — these are your natures. One of them is tamed and one of them is not. Which is the one that you feed?
In the distance the two towers symbolize Intelligence and Instinct. One is man-made, the other divine. Most people live in one tower and not the other. Very few live in both.
The Moon is eclipsed and the face in the moon is a projection of your face. The droplets raining down are what cause waves in your subconscious. Sometimes they feel like a disturbance, but they are meant to stir you awake.
In the foreground there is a pond, where a crayfish lives. The crayfish is YOU — boxed in by your own five senses. The pond is rigid and stagnant and nothing new is ever born there.
But you can crawl out, and walk the path past your dogs — your submissive self and the one who revolts. And past the towers that paralyze you with paradox. Because you know there is something beyond what you are told. And you know there are more lands than just this one land.
Because you are primordial, made of angels and stars. You are not just a crayfish. This is a shell and you have choice: Retreat into the stagnant pond or leap beyond everything you know.
Inspiration: Meditations on the Tarot: A Journey into Christian Hermeticism
Illustration & Animation by Olga Goriacheva
Grow another face
You’re aching to give voice to this other side of you. It’s beating like a new heart just below your skin. We have no language for this and we don’t talk about it and no one, but you, will give you the grace to change.
You must grow another face.
This is an all-out grab for more and more consciousness. You want to swim in multiple waves of depth and you deserve that. You deserve to be fed more than just algorithms. You are the one pulling rabbits out of the cosmic hat.
You clawed your way out of the abyss to be here now. So be here now.
You must grow another face.
There is a mythical land called Shambhala where some say Jesus and Buddha might reside, and others say it’s not really a spiritual kingdom but more of a diamond, where every ascended master is a facet or a separate side.
You are also multi-faceted. You are allowed to be multiple you(s). This is what true depth is. You can be different now. Grow another face.
We are afraid to be complicated. We mute ourselves. We stay on the surface of things. Flatten our desires. We think growing new faces means mental illness, but you’re already living with multiple voices and none of them are yours. They belong to your parents and your friends and children — and they are all outdated and uninformed.
Reformat yourself. Auto-update. Delete. Do what you have to do to grow another face.
You are allowed to be all things, then some things, and not other things, and no things — all at once.